Pursuit of Happiness (or a blog?)

The Pursuit of Happiness. What an incredible story of struggle and resilience.

So, where did you begin? Or better yet, why am I writing about this?

I'm starting somewhere because life is simply too short to continue making excuses as to why I'm not writing. So, welcome to Hayls Comment. My unfiltered, full of grammatical error, view on life, advertising, unpopular opinions, and more.

To kick-off my first piece, I'd like to ask a simple, yet obscure question: Where would you define as your pursuit of said happiness?

The 'where' in that query is the kicker, my friend. I'd love for you to take a moment and try to think back on moments in your life that have made you feel vulnerable but alive.

Do you think back to the time when you were small, staring up at the vast blue above you, clouds shifting by as you kicked your feet as hard as you could against the wind so your swing would soar higher and higher into the sky?

Do you go back to the time in high school when your crush finally turned around in the middle of English class, looked at you dead in the eye, and said something so incredibly dense that, at the moment, you completely blacked it out because you were so captivated by the idea of them speaking to you?

Do you put yourself back in time to your favorite stargazing spot in the middle of the neighborhood, an unrevealed tiny corner of your hometown neighborhood that you only took those who were important?

Do you reflect back on a lost loved one who was taken suddenly, unfairly away from you during a time when you needed them most?

Do you catch yourself dazed into a memory of a late-night picnic on the beach as you completely lose yourself in the memory of the crashing sound of the waves into the rocks around you?

Do you think back to the first time you heard your favorite song as a teen? The moment you were sitting on the bus in fifth grade as the younger kids yelled crass things across the seats, and the bus driver cranked the volume on the radio as "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers began to fill your ears and soul?

Do you remember your first love, and the bliss you experienced at the beginning, and the rip of the rug beneath you when they, or you, decided to walk away?

Do you close your eyes and imagine the first time you physically opened the door to your collegiate career, stepping out of the dorm to take a deep long breath in as you stroll across the pedestrian walkway feeling terrified yet excited in the most beautiful way?

Do you think of the moment you felt when you finally succeeded in launching your first big project at work, impressing yourself, and finally feeling like you've officially 'made it'?

These examples I bring up are simply to inspire thought and resurface old memories such as the few I listed above. I like to call these things momentary sparks of pure significance.

When I reflect on these moments that bring significance to my own personal journey, I find that in a weird, fucked-up kind of way they bring me peace.

In the first memory I mentioned, I remember swinging so high, that I was too terrified to stop. The thrill, the feeling, the air whispering past my face… All those things at the moment we're absolutely incredible, yet the thought of stopping quite frankly terrified me as a young child. So, I kept kicking my legs harder and harder until I completely wore myself out collapsing on the ground begging my mother to bring me snacks and lemonade. But that feeling of flying was pure bliss in my childhood. I couldn't get enough of it.

When my high school crush turned around and smiled at me in the middle of English class, we were eating a salad supplied by one of the other classmates for a presentation on Greek Mythology. Completely mortifying me, he actually turned around to tell me that I was using my fork wrong. Thrilled that he spoke to me, I completely blacked it out as my face turned a bright crimson color. Yet, it inspired me to better my table manners and actually learn how to properly use cutlery in a dining setting.

The last time I took a boy to my favorite stargazing spot in my old neighborhood I grew up in, I broke up with him. While this is a sad memory, I had to make a choice that was the right for me at the time.

When my grandfather passed away when I was fifteen, I watched him die. I don't have the correct words to describe what that was like, and I don't expect anyone to understand it either. But, I was eventually able to make peace with the experience and have since committed to buying my grandmother yellow roses in his memory every time I visit her.

When I had a midnight picnic on the beach, we ended up covered in sand fleas and had to leave once we realized they were covering all of our things. This experience taught me to always bring a bounce sheet (the old wives' tale version of bug spray) any time I go outside in the summertime since mosquitos and bugs absolutely love me.

The first time I heard The Killers, I was being picked on by a kid on my bus who thought it was a good idea to tell me that my visor (which was covering up a very embarrassing haircut that I gave myself; additionally, we can revisit the whole wearing a visor thing in elementary school thing later) was stupid. Yet, The Killers have turned out to be my favorite band of all time, and every time I listen to my favorite songs recorded by them, it brings a lovely sense of nostalgia to my heart and mind.

When I fell in love for the first time it was exciting, but also very toxic. I was young, naive, and very emotionally immature. I learned an incredible amount from that first love, and there is no doubt in my mind that it helped me grow as a lover, a friend, and into a confident and powerful woman.

My first day of college I was late. My French professor had an incredibly thick accent and she proceeded to scare the living shit out of me. I cried, I’ll admit it, in the bathroom after class. Hard. I was a terrified freshman who thought she knew everything there was to know about acing her first semester of college. This experience taught me to not be ignorant in my experiences, and approach things with a curious and open mind.

The first time I felt like I had truly succeeded in launching my first campaign for a client I was working on at my first agency, immediately after I discovered three spelling errors in the copy of our pamphlet that was already shipped to the printer and there was no way to fix the error. This experience taught me to download Grammarly (which by the way, has saved me a thousand times forward, and constantly check and re-check my work.

It's a bit crazy to think that all those examples I brought up have a bit of a negative association. Yet, they are some of the pivotal, obscure moments that have brought me the most happiness in my life today. I find solace in the journey. You have to fail to succeed, and through those 'failures' or 'hardening' moments that I experienced, they encouraged me to grow and find happiness in odd places.

I like to think the true reason behind why these pivotal moments are key to your happiness and existence are because they bring back raw feelings. Intense, unfiltered, incredibly emotional feelings that leave an impression on your subconscious.

In this pursuit of happiness, I think it's imperative to reflect on the emotions you were feeling during, before, and after. Reflecting on these things should bring you solace in knowing that you've evolved from the experiences. None of these moments were perfect, and some weren't exactly incredibly pleasant, to say the least. Each moment of our life is unique, and I like to think that the unique moments that stand out to us, are the moments that bring us true joy, whether we see it or not, and growth.

To be transparent, a lot of these unique moments are absolutely awful and leave an unpleasant scar. Moments like those that are the most painful teach us resilience and remind us to focus on the tangible outcomes that helped created something positive and beautiful out of a very dark and hardening situation.

All this to say, these memories, the moments, are exactly where your pursuit began evolving into the happiness you seek and ultimately need or want in life.

So I ask you again a bit differently this time, and try to think a bit more critically about your selections: What raw events in your life would you define as your momentary sparks of pure significance aiding your journey to honest happiness?